We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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