It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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