I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
