so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
