the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
