I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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