I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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