I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
