can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
