Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
