He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
