but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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