I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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