When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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