I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
