I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
