she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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