I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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