All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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