just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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