He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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