Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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