So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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