this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
