some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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