he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
