You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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