I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
