when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
