Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize