I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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