well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
