True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
