i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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