I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
