I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
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found the other keg... it's in the tree
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
the liver wants what the liver wants
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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