Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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