Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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