He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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