You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
