people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
