so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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