Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
