i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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