you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
