During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
