It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
