ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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