Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just saw a hot homeless man
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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