Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
