He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
