Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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