Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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