dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
