Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
