I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
