Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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