I accidentally had phone sex last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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