You're my little dorito
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My balls are so social today.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
