Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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