so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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