its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
