I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
