thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
